*****, could I comment on what people call "living in a dream world" as pertaining to music? I live there, too. I think out of any of your old buddies, perhaps I can relate to this more than the others… Music can be an escape and refuge from the storms of the world, certainly. It is one of the safest places I know, for several reasons. For here in this world, child-like wonder, enthusiasm, joy and creativity are the only rules! Unlike the world out there, which is so filled with malice, materialism and a society which is fairly meaningless and vapid, where the Spice Girls and others of their ilk are valued above others, say the late Jeff Buckley, simply because of the almighty dollar. This whole "Commerce vs. Art" thing has been a struggle for me my whole life…Not only for my own struggles with the "biz" but for all the gifted artists/musicians who never get to share their talents and gifts. In this world, it doesn’t mean a thing to anyone "in the biz" unless someone is making some mondo coin on the whole deal. Sad as this is, I think we both know that there is a separate reality where this obsession with money matters not one bit. In this reality, the things that matter are LOVING each other, sharing our gifts with no sense of competition/envy, encouraging one another, and focusing on "the big picture." As for my faith, I can only say that before this happened to me (Through God’s Good Graces!) that, generally speaking, my life was a meaningless vacuum…. Where a certain despair "ruled the roost." This, happily, is no longer the case. The reason for this is the realization that all the disappointment, rejection, and despair at the way the world operates cannot compare to the beauty of the picture…

I think I shared with you that I was rescued from the clutches of a severe substance abuse problem. This deliverance was truly a gift of grace, because I really did not deserve it, and did nothing to bring it about; I did not have the ability to bring it about. A truly remarkable experience! For my own efforts failed for at least 5 years, and then BAM! I am on my way to a wholesome and gratifying life. So here I am. So let me encourage you, *****. The light will shine through, if you surrender and let it. Sometimes it’s darkest before the sunlight. I hope this does not sound like a trite, empty assertion. I assure you that it's based solely on love, care and concern for you. Now this in itself probably sounds like some hippie-dippy idealism, but it actually has a much different origin. I am convinced that in your heart, old friend, that you realize that as in the words of Mr. Rundgren, "Love is the Answer." I do not really agree with Todd’s worldview, but it’s pretty hard to argue with the assertion that "Love is the Answer."

*****, The issue of faith is such a massive one, i.e. "the Ultimate Science." Your comments about "the search" and "banks of knowledge" puzzled me, yet at the same time rang sort of true. Back then my main goals were to satisfy my hedonistic and selfish desires. I suppose this will sound like a ‘testimony." If so, so be it. But I have learned that it is important to let go of the naval gazing self-indulgent ways, a sort of "death to self." All major religions, to a certain degree and to the best of my knowledge, teach this. I think perhaps we have more in common than you might realize. I, too was raised in a Lutheran home in Fergus falls (not that far from your hometown) and confirmed in the 10th grade; this sent me on my search as well. This search intensified the older, stoneder and drunker I became. Lots of books about yogis, T.M., mythology, and Christianity. But eventually I stumbled on this book "Mere Christianity," by C.S. Lewis, truly a great read. I have to recommend this book to anyone, for even if you don’t end up agreeing with his viewpoint, the concise writing and clear thinking about HUGE issues in all of our lives prevails. The very fact that he can identify them, explain them in language that just about anyone with a 6th grade education can understand, is a testament to his giftedness. This book was pivotal, for it gave me a step by step, logical approach to Christianity, which I thought I needed at the time, I probably did. I wanted a Plato/Joseph Campbell or Voltaire` - type author; someone who would give Christianity "Intellectual Credibility." Now all these years later I realize that this is not necessary. For this belief in Jesus Christ and who He is, and what he has done is a "heart thing" and not cerebral; as if only intellectual people were given the chance to know God. I have been in a good many jousting matches with some pretty brilliant people whose own intelligence blocked their spiritual path like a circus elephant on a hiking trail. As for our time in the band, it was a great learning time about how harsh the world could be. I learned about perseverance and materialism. I shared something with all of you that we will always share, even if none of us ever sets eyes on each other again… That was all part of a journey that makes us who we are. I don’t really think there is any deep dark, "secret knowledge" concerning that time, although I do acknowledge a surreal, almost Dali-like dimension to the whole experience. Concerning that big concert we did, do you remember that was the night I learned that my cousin Patty was murdered? That’s all I recall about that evening, really.

One final note: just be aware that all of this is offered up in a loving, non-judgmental concern for where you are at; I am here to listen, here to love, here to help in any way I can, and this is my truth…write again soon. Your pal, Greg W.